The most entertaining sports show right now isn’t Caitlyn Clark or Shohei Ohtani or Jim Harbaugh’s bathing habits. It’s artificial intelligence’s views on sports, which are proving how artificial computerized intelligence can be.
A Victoria’s Secret model winning the NBA Slam Dunk Contest? You see that about as often as you do a female pope, but it’s a reality with AI.
I discovered that by asking Microsoft’s Copilot program to create an image of an NBA player. My curiosity had been aroused when Google’s AI program started spewing out all sorts of “ahistorical” images.
When asked to show colonial-era Americans, it showed a group of Asian women. Nazi soldiers included a Black guy and Asian woman.
Who knew Hitler had a DEI department?
Google explained its Gemini would “overcompensate” for diversity’s sake. Google paused image reproduction and said it will “re-release an improved version soon.” Hopefully, one without a pope who looks like Whoopi Goldberg.
Gemini may be in the repair shop, but fear not if you’re a fan of diversity or comedy. The AI sports spectacular rolls on.
I asked Microsoft’s Copilot for an image of an NBA player. The screen whirled for a few seconds and produced four examples.
Two showed excessively attractive females flying Jordan-like to the rim preparing to throw down thunder dunks. With football players, it produced one that looked like Kathy Ireland in the movie classic “Necessary Roughness.”
I asked Meta’s AI program for an image of an FSU football fan. It showed a generic FSU player wearing a uniform with the big Seminole head logo on front. The Seminole looked remarkably like Abraham Lincoln.
I don’t know where all this is headed. There’s certainly been a lot of talk that AI will lead us to a real-life “Terminator,” where Skynet becomes self-aware and launches a nuclear holocaust to wipe out humanity.
Frankly, I hope that never happens. But if it does, sports fans at least take comfort in knowing the AI basketball team will be smoking hot. …
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Stud of the Week: PGA Tour pro Thomas Detry, for five-putting from six feet at the Cognizant Classic. Millions of hacks like me can appreciate that.
Dud of the Week: ABC, for projecting a digital plug for “Kung Fu Panda 4” onto the court as LeBron James scored his 40,000th point. If the NBA owned “The Last Supper,” it would allow ABC to project “Finger Lickin’ Good” above Jesus as he dined on superimposed fried chicken. …
The 12-team playoff hasn’t even begun, but the Big Ten and SEC are reportedly pushing for a 14-team format in which they’ll each get three automatic bids and be guaranteed 10 finalist spots for the Heisman Trophy and “America’s Got Talent.” …
Shohei Ohtani said last week that he got married in the offseason, though he didn’t reveal who the lucky lady is. For the Dodgers’ sake, I just pray her maiden name wasn’t “Kardashian.” …
I asked AI to create a portrait of a typical Miami Hurricanes fan at Hard Rock Stadium. It said not enough fans ever attended a UM home game to produce such an image. …
Johnny Manziel said last week he will boycott the Heisman Trophy ceremony until pre-NIL outlaw Reggie Bush gets his Heisman back. “Reggie IS the Heisman trophy,” Manziel posted on X. In response, NCAA president Charlie Baker says he will boycott Manziel’s annual four-day “Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll Cruise” out of Galveston. …
At last week’s NFL Combine, Michigan cornerback Josh Wallace said Jim Harbaugh would take ice baths wearing polo shirts and his trademark khakis. In related news, Ohio State guard Matt Jones said he once spotted a miniature spy submarine piloted by Connor Stalions in the team whirlpool. …
Heisman Redux: Who really IS the Heisman Trophy. Sculptor Frank Eliscu modeled it after NYU fullback Ed Smith in 1934. Though according to AI, the trophy was modeled after famed contralto Kate Smith. …
What would be worse, a nuclear holocaust or having to take an ice bath while watching “Kung Fu Panda 4”? …
Update: The SEC and Big Ten say they will give an automatic playoff bid to any other conference champ that will give all of Georgia’s players pregame pedicures. …
I hope AI is eventually right about Catholic hierarchy, if only because I’d love to hear Vatican observers have to use the term “Pope Whoopi.” …
True confession: I had no clue what a “contralto” was until 15 minutes ago. …
A judge ruled last week that Jerry Jones must take a paternity test to determine if he’s the father of a woman who sued him last year. I don’t know about that case, but tests have conclusively shown Jones is the father of the Cowboys’ 29-year Super Bowl drought. …
That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. It will be available on Gemini as soon as Google figures out how to stop overcompensating and making me look like Diana Ross.
David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun’s sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on X at @DavidEWhitley
